


Guilty | Rika

by FallingStxrs



Category: Mystic Messenger (Video Game)
Genre: After Ending Spoilers (Mystic Messenger), Angst, Flashbacks, Guilt, Redemption
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-28
Updated: 2020-06-28
Packaged: 2021-03-04 08:21:01
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,288
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24966631
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FallingStxrs/pseuds/FallingStxrs
Summary: Contains spoilers from Secret Ending 1 and 2, please proceed with caution.Dull green eyes looked out of the window towards the cold landscape of Alaska as the light snow danced through the grey-blue skies. What was it that she did to deserve this? What did they do to deserve a bad person like her? Maybe he would've still been alive, holding her hand, smiling at her with those beautiful blue eyes.Things didn't have to turn out this way, yet it still did. She just had to ruin everything.Second place winner in #innerdemons #evilwithin writing contest on the Mystic Messenger Amino in 2017.
Kudos: 6





	Guilty | Rika

***

**"Never would I have thought that the idea of creating an eternal paradise would be this wrong."**

**"If I could take back my actions, erase the past, change the consequences of my actions, I am willing to."**

**"But it's now too late."**

Dull green eyes looked out of the window towards the cold landscape of Alaska as the light snow danced through the grey-blue skies. She had been here for a few months now, slowly "healing" as the staff here would say. Though the shock hasn't completely lifted its veil from her mind, she was now able to make sense with her words, able to snap out of her trancelike state when needed. Maybe it was simply the fact that her mind knew that if the shock left her without desensitizing the incident first, she probably wouldn't be able to live with what she had done.

The weight of her own sin was too much to bear.

She knew of what she had done and of the damage it had inflicted, but her mind refused to process it completely, to let it sink in properly. She was in a state of doubtful disbelief. V, Jihyun, her love, her light, her sun, was gone, and the blame was no one else's except her own.

His soul was in heaven, and hers seem as if it could not wait to rejoin his.

She closed her eyes, letting herself bask in the warm sunlight that came through the window, feeling the warmth of his love once more through the giant star in the middle of their solar system. She missed him, she didn't deserve him.

Deserve...

What was it that she did to deserve this? What did they do to deserve a bad person like her? Her ideals, her grief, her desire to change, her love...Everything played a factor in what had happened, nudging her ever so slightly as it began to carry her down the wrong path, tricking her into thinking that she was only doing the right thing. If only she had realized...If only she had continued to seek help like how V encouraged her...

Maybe he would've still been alive, holding her hand, smiling at her with those beautiful blue eyes. Maybe Saeran wouldn't be this broken of a man and would've grown to be a man with a bright future. Maybe she would've still been living happily with the RFA...

Things didn't have to turn out this way, yet it still did.

She just had to ruin everything.

She was still battling her demons, her demons of guilt.

At night, in her dreams, they would haunt her, taunt her, waiting for the haziness of her brain to disappear, preparing to pounce on her the moment she was vulnerable again. She would wake up, gasping for air, fighting away the memories, the appearances they came in. The shock didn't help her keep them at bay during her sleep, that was the only time everything became crystal clear.

A child that weeps for his brother, whom she made believe that his twin had abandoned him, asks her with tear-filled eyes why she had deceived him, why she had taken his only family away from him, why she had corrupted what little precious memories that he held of his brother, why she had stolen the only thing he held close to his heart away.

A teen with a sad face stands behind the boy, his magenta suit looking as silky as it had always looked. His green eyes looked downwards, holding the boy tightly as the petals of his blue rose fluttered down one by one, picked up by an invisible breeze, carrying both the petals and him away from existence, haunted by his own demons.

A man that looks at her with loving eyes, the same loving eyes that she had destroyed with her own hands. The eyes that she had stolen the sight from. The man was silent, looking at her with his empty eyes full of longing and unconditional love. The eyes that she had stolen the sparkle from, the eyes that were once such a vibrant blue but were now slowly fading to a dull white. The eyes that tore her heart to shreds with the guilt she felt every time she looked at him.

A boy who had grown within an unhealthy environment, with mint green eyes and white hair, dressed in a black leather jacket and red. Those eyes that were once amber twitched as he held the gun. He was the result of her sin, a broken man that believes in lies. A shell of who he was and who he was meant to be, an empty person that she stole the person who he was away from him.

A straight gunshot slices through the air, and the man she loved so dearly falls towards the ground, a surprised look on his face before he smiled at her weakly as his body hits the cold ground. The shattering silence that followed the loud bang as the one person she loved with her life is fading away before her eyes.

They would look at her with their eyes, and their eyes were the ones that scared her the most. The eyes were the ones that held so many untold stories, quiet words, silent screams. They reveal more than what you can see, what you could know. They would watch her, watch her as she sinks deeper into her guilt. Their eyes reminded her of what she had done to them, the two people along with the many others that Mint Eye has affected, that she had affected. She couldn't overcome her own demons then, how would she be able to beat them now?

Guilt felt like a deathly gas, swirling around her, suffocating her as she gasped for some kind of redemption as it slowly tears her from the inside out.

She could still remember V's face when the bullet hit him. How the shock faded away and a weak smile danced on his lips as he looked towards her. He whispered three words so quietly that she had thought she imagined it.

"I love you."

And those words broke her, sending her back to reality, her mind couldn't handle what was happening before her eyes anymore. The shock and the grief overwhelmed her, leaving her on the ground as her hands tried to tear her blonde hair out in agony, the screaming in her head couldn't be stopped as her eyes shook, her body trembled.

He forgave her. Even after all she had done.

The RFA reaccepted her. After all she had done.

If the RFA is able to forgive and reaccept her, if V could forgive, continue to love and encourage her even in death, maybe, perhaps, one day she'll finally find a way to finally forgive herself.

One day...

She'll continue to fight until that day comes. She wasn't able to overcome her demons before, but that was what lead her down the wrong path. This time, this time she'll try with everything she has to offer, she'll take a stand against that dark part of herself, she'll get rid of it for good.

She refused to hurt anyone like that again.

Never again...

But after everything that she has done, all the lives she has destroyed with her actions...Would someone like her ever be redeemed? Would she ever be free?

**"No, in the end, I'll always be here, never truly gone."**

**"I'm part of you, and you are the whole of me. Without the darkness, there is no light. You cannot ever overcome yourself, Rika, no matter how hard you will try, the past will never change."**


End file.
